My Excersise and Depression

Not many of you know that I suffer from depression. I do, no I don't take medication to help me, they can never seem to make me the right cocktail and I can never seem to afford it. I do it the natural way, the grit-your-teeth-and-take-it way. But it impacts everything I do daily. EVERYTHING. It is hard enough for me to get out of bed some days let alone care for my kids, try to workout, school work or GOING to school; hell even leaving the house. In fact I BARELY leave the house and if I do i'm not more than a few blocks away. Even then it is usually at night by myself when no one is around. I am not even sure why, I hate people looking at me maybe, I am sad as it is then you add in my horrific weight and its enough to make me dive into a pool of fudge!

This last couple weeks have been particularly hard with my gfs little sister getting SMOKED by a car. Shattered pelvis, punctured lung, messed up shoulder etc etc.. Hospital duty was added to my mile long list of things to do and it upset me. This poor sixteen year old has was raped earlier this year and now this. She has been trying so hard to get her life around blah blah blah. Just sad. Sad, angry, hopeless all those things. She was lucky to be in that hospital bed, in the condition she was in. She took out half a windshield and dented the whole front bumper...

But regardless of this I have been trying. I have kept up with eating well but my exercise has suffered.  Especially wednesday when I spent ALL DAY in bed... I just didn't want to get up, so i didn't.  With the hospital my work got behind, the blogs got behind EVERYTHING was behind down to nap times, dinner times and bed times.  So Now my job is to get back on that horse. To keep going... To keep moving... *sigh* I have no idea how I will do it I have ZERO drive to do so... i'll just have to start small again and keep working myself up. Back from the beginning. I am just so happy I haven't gained any weight on top of my original starting point. I am 198, so here's waving goodbye to that slow moving number!


No clue why the button doesn't show up but w/e this is the lovely hop i'm apart of today!!

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